LinkedIn has evolved into something of a cesspool. Every now and then, a quality post appears, but for the most part, itโs self-indulgent bullshit under a thin layer of quasi-professionalism. A post by James Altucher caught some viral attention recently, asserting that New York City is โdead foreverโ, and justifying his move to Florida. It resonated with many, but drew the ire of many more โ including legendary comedian Jerry Seinfeld: New York Cityโs greatest defender.
With the belief that Altucherโs post leaned towards the self-indulgent bullshit persuasion on the whole spectrum of LinkedIn content, Seinfeld responded in kind via The New York Times, blasting this bloke in a way only he could. If you only have a couple of minutes to spare today, I recommend using on this civil yet savage editorial burn:
When I got my first apartment in Manhattan in the hot summer of 1976, there was no pooper-scooper law, and the streets were covered in dog crap.
I signed the rental agreement, walked outside, and my car had been towed. I still thought, โThis is the greatest place Iโve ever been in my life.โ
Manhattan is an island off the coast of America. Are we part of the United States? Kind of. And this is one of the toughest times weโve had in quite a while.
But one thing I know for sure: The last thing we need in the thick of so many challenges is some putz on LinkedIn wailing and whimpering, โEveryoneโs gone! I want 2019 back!โ
Oh, shut up. Imagine being in a real war with this guy by your side.
Listening to him go, โI used to play chess all day. I could meet people. I could start any type of business.โ Wipe your tears, wipe your butt, and pull it together.
He says he knows people who have left New York for Maine, Vermont, Tennessee, Indiana. I have been to all of these places many, many, many times over many decades. And with all due respect and affection โ Are โฆ You โฆ Kidding โฆ Me?!
He says everyoneโs gone for good. How the hell do you know that? You moved to Miami. Yes, I also have a place out on Long Island. But I will never abandon New York City. Ever.
And I have been onstage at your comedy club Stand Up NY quite a few times. It could use a little sprucing up, if you donโt mind my saying. I wouldnโt worry about it. You can do it from Miami.
Thereโs some other stupid thing in the article about โbandwidthโ and how New York is over because everybody will โremote everything.โ Guess what: everyone hates to do this. Everyone. Hates.
You know why? Thereโs no energy.
Energy, attitude, and personality cannot be โremotedโ through even the best fiber optic lines. Thatโs the whole reason many of us moved to New York in the first place.
You ever wonder why Silicon Valley even exists? I have always wondered, why do these people all live and work in that location? They have all this insane technology; why donโt they all just spread out wherever they want to be and connect with their devices? Because it doesnโt work, thatโs why.
RELATED: The American Express Black Card Exists Because Ofโฆ Jerry Seinfeld?
Real, live, inspiring human energy exists when we coagulate together in crazy places like New York City. Feeling sorry for yourself because you canโt go to the theater for a while is not the essential element of character that made New York the brilliant diamond of activity it will one day be again.
You found a place in Florida? Fine. We know the sharp focus and restless, resilient creative spirit that Florida is all about. You think Rome is going away too? London? Tokyo? The East Village?
Theyโre not. They change. They mutate. They re-form. Because greatness is rare. And the true greatness that is New York City is beyond rare.
Itโs unknown. Unknown anyplace outside of New York City.
You say New York will not bounce back this time.
You will not bounce back. In your enervated, pastel-filled new life in Florida. I hope you have a long, healthy run down there. I canโt think of a more fitting retribution for your fine article.
This stupid virus will give up eventually. The same way you have.
Weโre going to keep going with New York City if thatโs all right with you. And it will sure as hell be back.
Because of all the real, tough New Yorkers who โ unlike you โ loved it and understood it, stayed, and rebuilt it.
See you at the club.
Original article: The New York Times
RELATED: Jerry Seinfeldโs Net Worth Snowballs Every Year Thanks To A Show About โNothingโ
