The Human Zoo has catalogued enough specimens to provide Sir David Attenborough himself with enough material for his next 100 documentaries. None more fascinating than the different types of bosses you end up working for.
In celebration of Foxtel welcoming the Prime Video app, we examined the five main types of bosses you’ll encounter throughout your career using some familiar characters – here they are.
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The Logan Roy
Department: Succession
What this self-made titan of industry lacks in bedside manner, he makes up for with results.
After decades of sacrificing blood, sweat, and tears relationships with his adult children, The Logan Roy has determined there are only three certainties in life:
- Having enough money actually allows you to bend reality however you please (assuming you also get to pick the next president again).
- Feelings don’t pay the bills (although hurt ones can make for expensive lawsuits).
- And an iron-clad prenup is the only way to sleep soundly (he’s on marriage #3).
Despite all this, you can’t help but respect the hustle.
The Gavin Rubinstein
Department: Luxe Listings Sydney
If this is what success looks like, sign us up for three square meals of it every single day.
While the everyday punter will make their snide remarks and cheap jokes, face it: you’d much rather run the risk of being ridiculed in a Rolls-Royce Cullinan than be the bloke firing off potshots from the curb.
But you’d be mistaken in thinking The Gavin Rubinstein is all sizzle and no steak. Beneath the calm surface of the pond where this perfectly-manicured duck glides – those legs are paddling like there’s no tomorrow. Work hard. Play harder. Make it look easy. And wear a bespoke suit the entire time.
The Tony Soprano
Department: The Sopranos
There’s a sadness to The Tony Soprano you can’t quite place. Maybe it’s the fact he never really had the makings of a varsity athlete. Maybe it’s the complicated relationship with his mother. Or maybe he just hates the gig. Whatever the case, he’d certainly benefit from a little therapy.
You’ll find this gruff yet loveable family man by the break room fridge inhaling cold cuts at an alarming rate while eyeing people off with great suspicion more often than at his own desk. Although that doesn’t really bother you. Because at the end of the day, you know he’ll get the job done… and make sure everyone gets paid.
The Jeremy Clarkson
Department: The Grand Tour & Clarkson’s Farm
You’re not quite sure how The Jeremy Clarkson ended up here. Truth be told, neither is he. Good humoured as he might be, he strikes you as someone who miraculously kept falling up the corporate ladder. You also get the sense he was kind of a big deal at his old job. But that’s all in the past now.
The biggest advantage of having a leader like this? He’s willing to roll up his sleeves, get a little dirty, and experiment with the most batshit insane ideas that’d earn you a lifetime dunce cap anywhere else. Most importantly, out of all the types of bosses you’ll encounter, he’s the type you’d love to have a beer with come 5 PM knock-off (as some heaping wreck of mangled machinery smoulders in the background).
The Homelander
Department: The Boys
There are no two ways about it. The Homelander is a straight-up sociopath and psychopath.
While he’ll smile and give a firm-yet-reassuring handshake to clients, within milliseconds, he’ll gladly eat you alive behind closed doors for stumbling. Or worse. There are god complexes, and then there’s this – believing he’s an actual god.
Does he have any redeeming qualities? That remains to be seen. Maybe we’ll find out soon enough. Side note: what’s with that secret milk fridge he has stashed under his desk? Shudders.
Now imagine them all in the same office.
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