Most guys blow their dating app openers right out of the gate. They either risk it with the most polarising and low-effort opener (“Hey”) or overcompensate with a cringeworthy sales pitch that screams, “Please like me!”
Here’s the truth: opening lines are less about what you say and more about how you say it. A good opener shows you’re interested, not desperate; that you’ve paid attention, not copy-pasted. Most importantly, it shows you’re here for an actual conversation that converts to a bloody date.
Want to escape inbox purgatory? Focus on effort, personalisation, and timing. These minuscule yet thoughtful 1%er actions are a sure-fire way to put you ahead of the competition.
Housekeeping
Before you even think about a dating app opener, sort out your profile. Why? Because getting a match doesn’t guarantee a reply. Once the conversation is in play, they’re still actively toggling between your profile and the chat, debating whether you’re worth the time and energy.
The profile is your foundation. You need four to six high-quality and recent photos, ideally with a huge smile and positive energy. Your bio and prompts should provoke an easy reaction. Put in the effort here, and you might not even need to worry about an opener — they could be messaging you first instead.
Assuming, “They swiped right, I’m good,” is a rookie mistake. The swipe could’ve easily been a fumble, a drunk move, or a moment of down-bad weakness. If your match double-checks that profile and it’s underwhelming, they’ll move on. Side note: consider getting your profile Photo and ID verified, the little blue tick adds a layer of trust.
A great profile does the heavy lifting, turning your opener into a natural next step instead of a desperate plea.
Due diligence
The other big mistake most guys make? Ignoring your match’s profile.
Everything you need for a dating app opener is right there like a cheat sheet: photos, prompts, and quirks. That line about loving dogs or hating reality TV (keeper)… Pick it up and run with it!
It works because it is personalised, shows baseline consideration, and sets the stage for an easy, natural conversation. It’s not a magic line, it’s you paying attention. If you’re struggling, revisit what caught your eye when you swiped right and turn that into a line (but maybe keep it PG).
Don’t come on too strong
Matching isn’t an automatic green light to reel her in (whatever that may entail). The first date is, at this point, still unearned.
Your match will generally want to vibe you out and your quality of banter through the chat before committing to an IRL meet-up. And honestly… it doesn’t take that long. Hold off for at least five to seven messages or two to three days of consistent messaging.
Essays are a no-no
“Hey” isn’t effort. Neither is “How are you?” But firing off a novel with five questions is also lousy behaviour.
Nobody wants to open an app and face a wall of text from a stranger. It’s overwhelming and screams “homework.” Your dating app opener should be short, snappy, and easy to reply to. The goal is to push the conversation forward, not cover everything in one exhaustive hit.
Pro tip: mirror her texting style. If her bio is casual or packed with emojis, match that tone, grammar, and emoji usage. Syncing up with her pace and style makes the conversation flow effortlessly.
Don’t be a pest
Not every message will land, become at peace with that fact of life.
Maybe your match is busy, uninterested, or hasn’t seen the notification. That’s not an excuse to spiral. Sending the unholy trinity of “Hey?” followed by “??” or “Guess you’re not interested” isn’t just embarrassing. It’s self-sabotage.
Here’s the deal: you can’t control her response. All you can do is roll up your sleeves, shoot your shot, and leave it alone. If she doesn’t reply, it doesn’t reflect your worth. Move on with some dignity.
Keep it classy
Negging isn’t clever, it’s just sad.
Backhanded compliments won’t win you any points. They’ll only get you unmatched, blocked, or reported. Instead, show genuine interest and an air of confidence without being a flog about it.
Remember: confidence isn’t about tearing someone down just to lift yourself up. Compliment your match in a way that shows you’ve got something going on between the ears. Humour is also great, but forcing it to prove you’re funny? Not so much.
Effort is sexy
If there’s on lesson I want you to walk away with, it’s that effort, effort, and more effort is a flex.
Most women are drowning in lazy dating app openers, so even a little thought will go a long way (the bar is quite literally near the sea ground). Use her name, reference something niche in her profile, or show her you’ve read her prompts.
You’re already ahead of the game when you make her feel like you’re genuinely interested, not just mass door knocking in desperate the hopes of snagging a catch.
Also keep in mind that the perfect opener isn’t going to get you off the app. It’s simply your chance of getting a foot in the door. The rest comes down to you: be curious, present, and cool.
The guys who win at dating apps aren’t necessarily the most interesting, they’re the ones who pay more attention and don’t take it personally if the back-and-forth doesn’t pan out.
While you’re here, check out some other cracking guides from evidence-based dating coach and Tinder ambassador Sera Bozza:
- How To Take A Good Dick Pic: A Complete Guide
- 10 Crucial Tips For Dating An Older Woman
- A Girl’s Group Chat Tells Us What Not To Wear On A First Date
- A Girl’s Group Chat Tells Us What They Look For Before Swiping Right
- The Text You Should Send Instead Of Ghosting
- A Modern Man’s Guide To ‘Attachment Styles’
- How To Tackle Valentine’s Day When You’re Only Two Dates In
- Casual Sex Etiquette 101: What Women Want You To Know
- Become A Sex God With These Simple Workouts
- The Long-Distance Playbook: How To Keep The Spark Alive
- The Hot/Crazy Scale Is Real & Actually Backed By Science
- 10 Things Women Look For In Your Apartment
- 4 Affordable First Date Ideas That’ll Earn You A Second Look
