There’s a case to be made that Elon Musk could be the world’s greatest supervillain. On paper, he has all the trimmings of a Daniel Craig era Bond adversary; (Rupert Murdoch would fit the bill for a pre-Craig era Bond villain). But as the face of Tesla and Space X recently released a line of now sold out flamethrowers branded under The Boring Company, I couldn’t help but draw comparisons with another culturally significant supervillain.
One Hank Scorpio.
For the uninitiated, and those devoid of a proper childhood, Scorpio is an evil genius, founder of the Globex Corporation, billionaire, philanthropist, and pretty much Elon Musk. The former also happens to share a penchant for flame projectile weapons with the latter, but that’s more of a cosmetic detail.
What we’re really concerned about right now is how these two connect on a spiritual level. And at the heart of that is, despite how good of a boss both eccentric titans of industry stand to be, there’s something sinister. Something sinister about their persons, lurking just beneath the surface. Like at any moment, they’ll flip a nuclear switch and start the doomsday countdown.
To prove a point, here’s a little game of “Who said the line – Musk or Scorpio?”:
- “I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact.”
- “Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there’s a pair for you. Don’t like them? Then neither do I!” [throws shoes out the door.]
- “It’s OK to have your eggs in one basket as long as you control what happens to that basket.”
- “I think you should always bear in mind that entropy is not on your side.”
- “I don’t expect anything from you, except to die and be a very cheap funeral.”
- “Rockets are cool. There’s no getting around that.”
- “Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn’t I think of that? Hammocks!… There’s four places. There’s the Hammock Hut, that’s on third.”
- “I’ve been to Disneyland, like, 10 times. I’m getting really tired of Disneyland.”
- “Can’t argue with the little things, it’s the little things that make up life.“
- “I’m reasonably optimistic about the future, especially the future of the United States – for the century, at least.”
- “The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and then I’ll catch you. That’s gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?”
- “My butt’s for sitting, not for kissing.”
If your answers were:
- Musk
- Scorpio
- Musk
- Musk
- Scorpio
- Musk
- Scorpio
- Musk
- Scorpio
- Musk
- Scorpio
- Scorpio
Congratulations, you’ve got a keen eye for looking through my shenanigans. Now lets just all pray there isn’t an autonomous uprising of sentient Telsas.
