Everyone’s favourite AFL larrikin, Dustin Martin, famously re-wrote the very definition of a “bender” after his 2019 AFL Premiership win — which has since been immortalised within the cultural fabric of our proud sunburnt nation. And there’s no better time to revisit this pivotal moment in Aussie than today, as we celebrate the retirement of a legend after three premierships, 338 goals, and 302 games.
Once upon a time — back in the halcyon days of September 2019; right before COVID-19, bushfires, and what have you — the Richmond Tigers had secured their second flag in three seasons against GWS. Naturally, the man himself dived headfirst into the post-victory sesh immediately thereafter, failing to both return and pick up his car from the MCG a whopping 65 days after Grand Final night.
Renowned for his stamina and form on and off the field, Richmond’s star midfielder/forward finally resurfaced; having only just reaching a state of sobriety that would allow him to legally operate his vehicle (we assume) after a string of Hollywood screenplay-worthy celebrations.
In the two-month-plus timeframe that the talented Mr Martin’s Jeep spent underground at the MCG member’s carpark, the man himself toured the world over.
Starting with the obvious destination, the man/myth/legend kicked things off with some shenanigans in Las Vegas accompanied by former Collingwood gun Dane Swan. Why they were dressed up as Peaky Blinders characters, though, is anyone’s guess. And we learned quite quickly that this was far from the strangest part of his global expedition…
Dusty soon found himself relaxing with Grand Slam GOAT Serena Williams and her husband, Reddit Co-Founder Alexis Ohanian, somewhere in the Maldives. As one does.
At the time, The Herald Sun reported that Dusty Martin hadn’t arranged for his car to be picked up after the game, with The Age confirming that it’d failed to move from the MCG carpark at all since its pre-game arrival. The MCG kindly kept a close eye on his car, ensuring the three-time Norm Smith medallist’s whip didn’t see the back of a tow truck.
Dustin Martin — you are truly one of God’s own prototypes. A high-functioning sesh warrior never even considered for mass production. Too powerful to live, too rare to die.
From the lads here at BH, we salute you.
