Life is about decay and growth. Death and rebirth. Which is something your wardrobe should reflect accordingly.
People change, it’s no secret. And at some point in your adult life, you’ll find that you need to take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror, to ask one question, and one question only.
“Is this who I really want to be?”
Here is a list of every article of clothing you need to banish right now, for the better:
1. Anything with flames
2. Anything tie-dye
3. Tees with print that cover more than 10% of the shirt’s surface area
4. Tees with print that’s of any girl, bikini-clad or otherwise
5. Ironic tees
6. Shirts that look like something a newly-divorced dad would wear out to “pull” (eugh.)
7. Shirts that look like something those guys would wear with at the top two buttons undone at the very least
8. Leather shirts
9. Any shirt more reflective than an aluminium fridge (ya ain’t slick, just frictionless.)
10. Stand-alone buttoned down vests
11. Reflective sunnies (unless you are a pilot or in the military.)
12. Clout goggles (even if it’s for the meme.)
13. Lens-less glasses (who are you kidding, take those douche frames off.)
14. Wide ties
15. Ties that are brighter than any Skittle colour
16. Studded belts
17. Rope belts
18. Plaid belts
19. Belts with a novelty aspect to the front (ha ha very funny, everything is bigger in Texas. Well done.)
20. Leather bracelets
21. Fedoras (obviously.)
22. Bucket hats (just as bad.)
23. Snapbacks (come on… I shouldn’t have to say this.)
24. Embroidered jeans
25. 3/4 jeans
26. Leather jeans
27. Lacquered jeans
28. Any jeans that aren’t boot cut, skinny, or slim
29. Cargo shorts
30. Denim shorts
31. Sandals
32. Crocs
33. White leather shoes
34. Alligator shoes
Additionally, here are the four brands that should be classified under persona non grata for varying crimes against the community:
- Ed Hardy (crimes of assholery)
- Tapout (crimes of tacky)
- Tarocash (crimes of why)
- Stussy (crimes of basicsness)
