Well… I don’t think we need to explain what has happened in Melbourne these last twenty-four hours. COVID-19. McLaren pulling out. Entire Australian Formula 1 Grand Prix cancelled.
If you’re anything like us here at BH, you may have even cleared the entire week to be in Melbourne – only to have the ice cream smacked out of your hand.
Here are 50 things to do in Melbourne instead.
- Go-karting (like we’re about to in T-minus 30 minutes)
- Paintball
- Drinking
- Lots of drinking
- Indoor drinking
- Outdoor drinking
- Run around in circles
- Run to the beach
- Take to Twitter
- Stew on Twitter
- Cop a nice steak at any of these fine Melbourne establishments
- Explore the laneway
- Attempt a hook turn
- Fail at a hook turn
- Fail to understand a hook turn
- Call your insurance provider
- Ride a tram
- Spend some time at the Melbourne Zoo
- Get kicked out of the Melbourne Zoo for heckling the seals
- Go to Dutton Garage
- Imagine what could have been at Dutton Garage
- Order a Melbourne coffee
- Take a sip of a Melbourne coffee
- Arrive at the conclusion that Melbourne coffee isn’t really greater than Sydney coffee
- Tell the barista exactly that and have said coffee dumped on your lap
- Head to the State Library
- Find a dictionary at the State Library
- Look up the definition of “disappointment” in the dictionary at a State Library
- Remember to call Mum
- Apologise to Mum just for… everything
- Spend some time at the Melbourne Aquarium
- Get kicked out of the Melbourne Aquarium for heckling the penguins
- Cop some dim sum in South Melbourne
- Become a captain for a day on the Yarra with GoBoat (bonus: dog friendly)
- Walk around Federation Square and take in the defeated atmosphere
- Head to Crown Casino
- Lose it all at Crown Casino
- Head to Brighton Beach
- Swim out from Brighton Beach
- Keep swimming out from Brighton Beach
- Wake up on the shores of Brighton Beach after lifeguards resuscitate you
- Buy some new underwear at Bourke St Mall
- Take an Uber back to your accommodation
- Cry in bed
- Enjoy some cinema at the Underground Cinema
- Cop some brunch at Higher Ground
- Take a $150 Uber to the airport
- Run into Kimi Raikkonen, Sebastian Vettel, and Lewis Hamilton who have been camped there for the last 12 hours
- Get tackled by security when you stifle a cough
- Reflect on the week that has been as your $80 Jetstar panic booking takes off
