After an all-too-brief four-year stint in prison, failed fraudster-cum-raw grilled cheese merchant, Billy McFarland, has unveiled plans for Fyre Festival 2 — and tickets are now officially on sale for those of you looking to burn anywhere between US$499 and US$7,999.
“This is a big day,” the scam artist said during a recent announcement video; donning the ever-trustworthy uniform of AirPods and a white robe in broad daylight
“It has been the absolute wildest journey to get here, and it really all started during a seventh-month stint in solitary confinement.”
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“I wrote out this 50-page plan of how it would take this overall interest and demand in Fyre and how it would take my ability bring people from around the world together to make the impossible happen.”
Fyre Festival 2 is apparently set to take place in the Caribbean, targeting sometime towards the end of 2024. But in true McFarland form, no specific dates, location, nor even any semblance of a festival lineup has been confirmed. And yet, the bloke is already asking for money on the Fyre Festival website.
Billy McFarland added: “In the meantime, we’ll be doing pop-ups and events across the world. Guys, this is your chance to get in. This is everything I’ve been working towards. Let’s f***ing go.”
Let’s not.
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The untalented Mr McFarland was only released from incarceration back in May 2022, and already, we’re taking bets on when he’ll feel the cold steel of handcuffs next.
In fact, if you listen closely, you can hear the sound of Netflix producers rubbing their hands with glee. This sequel is practically writing itself.
Anyway, here are some infinitely better ways to spend your money than on Fyre Festival 2 tickets:
- Invest in a start-up specialising in dissolvable condoms
- Invest in the NFT of Twitter founder Jack Dorsey’s first tweet (previously valued at US$3 million)
- Approximately 1,000 copies of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015) starring Kevin James & Raini Rodriguez on DVD
- Two of these epic golf cycle-carts (everybody needs a fairway hog)
- Hit the closest casino and put it all on red (always red)
