From the country tavern to Collins Street, these are the five types of blokes youโll find wearing the iconic Aussie boots weโve come to know and love.
The Concrete Cowboy
โGreatness only comes before hustle in the dictionary.โ
The Concrete Cowboy struts into the boardroom like itโs an old west saloon. With the family lawyer on speed dial in his holster and a direct line to the Chairman in the same phonebook (who also happens to be his godfather), heโs ready to climb the corporate ladder in one of his two-suits-for-a-grand from MJ Bale.
Donโt be fooled by the Longhorn air freshener dangling from the rear-view mirror of his 2011 3 Series, the Concrete Cowboy is seldom involved with actual agriculture. In fact, his RMโs have never spent a single day in the red dirt, despite his father being one of Australiaโs largest landholders. The closest heโs ever come to living, breathing livestock โ aside from the โundesirablesโ ambling past the front end of the plane towards cattle class โ is when he orders a well-done sirloin at Bistecca on the client account.
The Cinderella Guy
โWeโre in Godโs country, mate.โ
At the stroke of 5:00 PM on a Friday, the Cinderella Guy will switch out his black boardroom numbers for his โbush pairโ of R.M. Williams. Stepping into his Pumpkin Carriage Range Rover Sport for a weekend away from the โbig smokeโโฆ at his parentsโ Mornington Peninsula horse stud.
Country accent on full tilt, gilet vest popping, youโll never have to ask what he did last weekend โ because heโll intentionally leave his car unwashed, just to let everyone know he off-roads on the gravel driveway. But by 9:30 AM on a Monday, heโs got his glass slippers business RMs back on, and can be found ordering a soy latte around the corner from his Albert Park terrace on a morning walk with some breed of non-working dog (probably a Frenchie).
The Ressie in the Membersโ Stand
โFull credit to the boys.โ
The Reserves Player in the Membersโ Stand desperately clings to the delusion he โcouldโve played footy professionallyโ had it not been for his โbad knee.โ At the same time, he rocks up in an Uber five minutes before every one of his weekend matches, dusty as hell, with a Gatorade and KFC original recipe box in tow. Incidentally, every one of his mates seems to be playing in first grade, except him.
Once he cleans himself up and chucks on his Chocolate Suede RMs, however, heโs quite the good-looking rooster. Hovering around a charcuterie board in the MCC members, heโll cycle between grazing, attempts at networking, and telling whoever will listen that โthe dees are 9 and 0.โ If you didnโt know any better, this was a bloke you wouldnโt mind sinking some pints with. That is until he opens his mouth and claims to be mates with Eddie McGuire.
The Intern
โHi there, Iโm looking to grow my LinkedIn network and was wondering if you wanted to connect/exchange ideasโฆโ
A gift card for โsomething specialโ from Nan at Christmas was the Internโs only way of attaining this god-tier footwear because he didnโt realise he couldโve paid it off with his pocket money via Afterpay. A Concrete Cowboy in the making, heโll brag about working for a Big Four company on Hinge, fully unaware itโs helping his chances with the fairer sex in the same way Pete Evans is helping science. In reality, firing off an unsolicited lecture about his crypto portfolio at unsuspecting females is the prospect that really makes his chinos tighten.
Seasonal migrations to the Whitsundays where heโll go โsailingโ on daddyโs catamaran are also well within observed behaviour. There, he will strip bare and attempt a mating call by torpedoing his F45 physique into the digital watering hole: Instagram. Alas, to no avail. Perhaps when he upgrades from his Rolex Explorer II theyโll come running.
The Real Bushman
โHow ya goinโ?โ
Wearing R.M. Williams is this manโs birthright. Occasionally, heโll spot an urban operator in full farm footwear out for lunch in Coogee and wonder where the bloody hell the cattle are. The answer? On the city slickerโs plate. A pair of RMs may last a lifetime, but when you wear them like this bloke โ i.e. for the intended use โ you can never have enough kicking around. As the only level-headed fella on this whoโs who of the human zoo, he cops โem in four easy instalments with Afterpay quicker than a brumby on the run from the ropes.
No matter what category you no doubt fit into โ or furiously deny any allegiance with โ one thing we can all agree on is that R.M. Williams is the most versatile shoes a man can own.
