[WARNING: Major spoilers regarding The White Lotus season 2 finale, as well as season 2 as a whole — proceed with caution.]
The sophomore instalment of HBO’s hit dramedy finally came full circle last night as the floating dead body discovered by Daphne (Meghann Fahy) during the season premiere was revealed to be none other than heiress/de facto comedic relief Tanya McQuoid-Hunt (Jennifer Coolidge).
As many had suspected, the Palermo-based party gays led by English expat Quentin (Tom Hollander) were actually in cahoots with Tanya’s suspiciously thrice-divorced husband Greg (Jon Gries) to get their hands on her $500 million fortune.
RELATED: The Real Star Of ‘The White Lotus’ Season 2? This Ultra-Luxe Sicilian Hotel
Chekhov’s prenup had already let audiences know old Greg wouldn’t get a single red dime should they divorce earlier this season, but in the event of death, it’d be an easy inheritance and everyone would pocket their fair share of spare change.
After shooting her way out of the yacht in hilariously pathetic fashion, Coolidge’s Tanya gravely misjudges the distance between the deck and the tender, dinging her head against the latter’s rail, rather unceremoniously closing the chapter on a fan-favourite character.
Along the way, there were also some supplementary revelations.
We received hard confirmation that Ethan’s (Will Sharpe) wife Harper (Aubrey Plaza) did indeed share a kiss with his college roommate, lowkey frenemy, and total Chadbro Cameron (Theo James) – a transgression secretly avenged tenfold when Ethan and Daphne briefly run away to do the horizontal tango, on top of that solid right hook to Cam’s face and near drowning.
RELATED: ‘The White Lotus’ Star Theo James Confirms Whether Or Not That Was His Real Penis
“Naughty nephew” Jack (Leo Woodall) completely dropped the facade, admitting he was – thankfully – Quentin’s lackey and not an actual blood relative; while part-time white knight Albie Di Grasso (Adam DiMarco) learned a lesson in gender politics the hard way when sex worker Lucia quietly snuck out of their hotel room after swindling him, and by extension his terminal cad of a father Dominic (Michael Imperioli), out of €50,000. As it turns out, the angry “pimp” was nothing more than an accomplice in on the scam.
On paper, writer/creator/director Mike White neatly resolved every major loose end, and yet somehow, it all feels underwhelming.
The problem with red herrings and season-long speculation in the era of post-episode Twitter conspiracies and Reddit discussions is that invariably, the imagination of the collective will often snowball week on week until it has soundly overshadowed the reality.
What’s happened in the case of The White Lotus season 2 finale is essentially a failure in reconciling a character arc that has (quite frankly) been telegraphed for well over a month with an inflated sense of expectation. In short, I suppose I’d been expecting something slightly more… spectacular, instead of a physical gag that wouldn’t look out of place during Chevy Chase’s tenure at SNL.
RELATED: Bad News, ‘Euphoria’ Season 3 Hasn’t Even Begun Filming Yet
RELATED: If You Liked ‘White Lotus’, You’ll Love ‘Triangle Of Sadness’
That being said, it’s a fitting end to Jennifer Coolidge’s 13-episode run as Tanya McQuoid-Hunt, as well as what is arguably the most elegant answer to the mystery posed at the opening to White Lotus season 2. She went out not due to the desires of a rotten, money-grubbing cabal, but due to her own practical inability (just take the damn heels off or walk around, goddammit).
Additionally, I’m not sure how we all would’ve reacted if the proverbial curtains had been pulled back on:
- Any member of the Di Grasso clan being the victim of some cartoonish Italian pimp’s violence
- Personal assistant Portia (Haley Lu Richardson) meeting her maker at the hands of some chav from Essex
- Or the straight-laced Valentina taking out the pent-up rage brought about by unrequited lesbian love upon a poor, unsuspecting receptionist
… although I do feel like there’s still a good measure of untapped potential within the Ethan-Harper-Cam-Daphne storyline. Perhaps we’ll find out during our next visit (read everything we know about The White Lotus season 3 so far here).
Side note: This could’ve all been avoided if Portia stuck with Albie.
Side note II: “Achilles’ cock” is probably one of the greatest phrases ever spoken in modern television.
Now revisit the very best of the timepieces featured in HBO’s The White Lotus season 2 here.
